Joyce Kim Lee talks with her mother, Hee-sook Lee, about Korean culture and how her parent’s displays of affection for each other are not considered the norm.
Originally aired March 10, 2006, on NPR’s Morning Edition.
Transcript
Joyce Kim Lee (JKL) and Hee-Sook Lee (HL)
JKL: I know that, you know, having other friends who have parents who are Korean immigrants they’ve never actually seen their parents hug or kiss or show affection and emotion towards each other. So I think that’s pretty unusual for a first generation Korean couple. Can you tell me where you learned this from?
HL: Yeah that is a very important story. When I started going to church I met American missionary: Bob and ? Pingston. They’re you know, not young couple. They about 60’s at the time. Of course they are now both of them in heaven. And when they start English bible class at their house as we sit there at the living room we watch, learning, observing their life together. And they’re always the ‘honey I love you’ and ‘honey thank you’ you know ‘i’m sorry’ and she started washing dishes the husband is standing beside her and you know dry and they ‘wow they so happy. always smiling. oh how wonderful. l how happy they are.’ And then when I look you know my mother, she served husband, my dad, like a king. And then you know cook, so hard and then you know, I never heard dad say thank you or I love you. Never heard that. So I decide when I get married I want to be happy sweet couple like missionary friend. Of course when I get married it’s typical Korean man when I said ‘honey I love you’ and the typical man just sitting in the living room reading newspaper didn’t respond so I said ‘I love you’ and he said ‘ok’ and I wasn’t satisfied with that answer. Because love you know expression. So. I said ‘I love you’ oh ‘me too’. ‘Well can’t you say I love you too?’ At first he said it’s very hard. He said he’s not used to express. You know. I said ‘I love you’ until he respond ‘honey I love you too’ and an ongoing practice and later on it wasn’t difficult he just say ‘I love you too’ and then hug and even kiss on my cheek so that was started from the beginning. Very sweet expression of love, appreciation, happy happy family and which now we have… I see you approve, right?
JKL: Yes I love it.