Michael Yandell (MY) and Amy Yandell (AY)

MY: We got a call very early in the morning, there’d been an explosion and there was a old rusted projectile in the middle of the road. I picked it up, put it in the truck, and I’m driving and my team leader’s beside me. We both had these crushing headaches. And um, you know we’re feeling disoriented, feeling confused, even. When we get back to the camp, I remember I was looking in this mirror and I couldn’t see the pupils in my eyes, the calling card of nerve agent exposure, and they told us to go the clinic immediately. We’d stripped down and they helped us shower because we were both having a hard time seeing and hard time really just using our faculties.

I had a lot of fear and anxiety but I didn’t want to give voice to those fears because you don’t want to be unfit to serve and to be a good soldier I needed to be in control. And what the sarin proved to me is that I had no control and that’s a hard truth to come to terms with.

How do you feel about me talking about it?

AY: Well, as we both know, um, you don’t talk about this a lot. But I feel every day in you a wound in you. And not knowing how to fix it, not being your confidant when it comes to these things is hard. Because I love you and I want to help. And I’m sorry this happened to you.

MY: Thank you. But in the scheme of things I was very fortunate compared to many other people.

These weapons exist. They’re manufactured and used. Those decisions, they’re made by people who don’t ever encounter the reality. And the people that do encounter it, men and women and children, they don’t have any say.